...

it's funny how life works. you think you know somebody, get really close to them, share special moments with someone, and then the next thing you know, they don't want to share that anymore. they don't even want anything to do with you anymore. they call you up or show up on your doorstep telling you that things just aren't the same anymore, and that one of you or both has changed. and you want to think it's them, because you know it is, but as part of being modest and a good person, i guess, you have to look inside yourself and see what's changed, too. okay, so we all make mistakes - we fuck up, we say things out of spite or out of being hurt that in turn hurt the ones we love, because, let's face it - we're going to hurt a lot of people while we're alive, but the ones we hurt most will always be the ones that we love. or used to. to each his own, really. and then, to escape doing so, people begin to lie. everyone does it. whether it's in big doses or small doses, people have lied and continue to do so. it's human nature, i guess. this doesn't really have to do with one person in particular, but it can go out to anyone i can ever say meant anything to me - i love you all, still. even if you've fucked me over or hurt me beyond i'd ever let you know - which tends to usually be the case.

i choose not to acknowledge the fact that i'm hated by some people who i could never have the stomach in me to hate, myself. the people who meant the most to me over the years, despite fallouts, remain close to me in some way. i always know that if there was ever any sort of true, actual friendship, they'll come around again...i hope. and i realize that now there's probably you, or some of you, who tell their new friends about what a piece of shit i am or how much of a pain in the ass i can be.

that's fine, because it's true.

but i'd never do that to you.