Fuck it.

Gloomy weather casts a shadow on my mood today, but as in any work of fiction or literature, it also sets the tone for an unfortunate happening. This morning, my grandma, who I have never once met in my entire life because she lives in Thailand, passed away. My understandably depressed dad told me the news when he picked me up from school today. What was I supposed to do? I had never met her but for a reason I felt very sad...as anybody would when someone related to them passes on. The most disheartening part, I think, was that I never met her, and that really sucked. Then I thought about all the other family members that I've yet to meet, all because of distance and the cultural barrier that seems to have been set up. It really depressed me, so I went for a ride downtown in the rain on my bike, blasting Om in my headphones. Rest in peace, Granny, wish I could have met ya.

Other things seem to be falling apart too, even quietly. I hate how my family feels the only way to connect is through buying each other things and any other efforts have to become just that - an effort. I've also had this terrible feeling of loneliness dragging me down for several weeks, and this terrible feeling of wanting. I don't want to want anything, I just want to be happy...and for the most part, I am. There's just these things that put me off or distract me from wearing a smile all the time.

Fuck it.