Paranoia Secured.

Today's dreary overcast had an effect on my mood and thinking for the most part. Usually I love weather like this, but today I couldn't help but be irritable and slightly grumpy, unlike usual. At school, however, I managed to stay as friendly as I usually try to be, despite the weather...and exams. However, when my dad picked me up, as he always does (even though I have no problem biking back from school, seeing as I bike there in the morning...), I came to realize a few things about my family, such as - none of us really pay attention to the other. Yes, my brother and I are probably a lot closer than my brother and my mom, or me and my dad, or vice versa, but the general matter is that for whatever reason we can't seem to function in conversation. My dad asks a lot of questions, all of which he probably already knows the answer to, and my brother and I always tell each other things that both parents pretend to take an interest in. It's both amusing and slightly depressing at the same time, and at times a bit bothersome. But whatever. I do appreciate any parent's interest (even if false) in their kid's life rather than condeming it. Aside from that, today just felt very sad in general. I can't really put my finger on it, but I think that something is getting to me. Or someone. Who knows. I'm really not the best at identifying my own problems. Whatever it is, I'll get over it soon enough.

In other news, as silly as this picture is, I appear to be able to defy the laws of gravity:

Sweet.

Currently downloading: Stormcrow - Enslaved In Darkness
Currently listening to: No Comment
Currently eating: Saltines
Currently wanting: A new bike.

Today's playlist:

Variety is the spice of life.

Good day, so posi.

Before now.

I remember hanging out with people who I hardly care about at all anymore, and some who I still care about a lot but don't care about me. I don't miss being immature and foolish, but I do miss the good times.

Let's go a couple years back...

My school is a prison.

Even more so than and school already was. Today a new fence system of sorts was finally implemented to keep track of kids while they eat their lunch - always being watched by administrators for "our safety". It's ridiculous. They wonder why the dropout rate is so high and my only guess is that it's just going to get higher as they force their new rules. If I hadn't mentioned it before, the Friday that my school (Edgewater High School) was released for Winter Break, there was 10+ fights throughout the day and at least four guns brought to school, initiating four hour lockdown. However, a call to parents from the school principal assured parents of a total of four fights and one box cutter brought - which is obviously a straight up lie. As well, the principal, who will remain unnamed for now, apparently reprimanded the teachers for letting students use their cell phones to call their parents to come pick them, despite the school's recently implemented "no electronics" policy. In my opinion, the first thing that should have been done by every student should have been to call their parents to make them aware of the situation, and I commend every teacher who supported that idea. But we basically have here is a school principal who is more concerned with his image as a public figure than the safety of students at his school. He is a warden, and the school is quickly becoming his prison. And I'm aware many high school students will complain about school, but I do actually see something very wrong here. I hope that someone is on the same page as me as far as this goes, because I have a year and a half left at this school and I don't want it to be miserable for me, or anybody. I hope there's something that can be done.

I want a tail.

I love the Japanese.

Overall,

I enjoyed my Winter break. No rest for 2 weeks.
Finally, what I wanted.

Strangely enough, I cannot seem to find myself able to fall asleep right now. Maybe I'm anxious or maybe I've just had too much coffee, which I often do. Today, like any Sunday, was rather uneventful, albeit more eventful than a usual Sunday. I managed to feel like a total douche by going to the Mall At Millenia - just being there makes me feel gross - with my mom, who insisted on buying me new pants. I suppose I was grateful, although I really didn't feel the need for any pair other than the pair I always wear. Whatever. I also seem to have contracted a terrible cold that followed me and tortured my nostrils all day, until the past few hours or so. I hate being sick.
I rode my bike around downtown a bit with no real destination, and took a lonely evening walk around Lake Eola. It was quite nice, nonetheless, having some time to myself. Anyhow, I go back to school tomorrow morning. And it looks like I WON'T be going to Miami next weekend. Fuck. Oh well.

Happy New Year, I Guess

As another year rolls in, I once again find myself feeling bits of melancholy, stress, angst, happiness, excitement, and disappointment. What did 2008 really leave me with? Good memories, a lot of new friends, good experiences, etc. But I also realize as another year passes there has been a lot I've still missed out on, and my patience for seeing everything I want to narrows. At least this new year's eve I'll be home, and not out making one of the worst decisions of my life as I did last year.

Just as well, I've enjoyed the past few days, the remaining days of the year at This Is For You Fest (as well as the even more fun pre-show). I met a lot of cool people and saw a lot of sweet bands. But it also made me ache to see shows like that all the time. I love going to shows and the venue being packed to the brim with barely enough room for a circle pit. It even got me thinking that more small bar shows should be booked, as much as Blackbox needs the money, sometimes I miss the feeling of the tiny packed Uncle Lou's shows. The pre-show at Hoops on Saturday night left me with a feeling of well-taken nostalgia.

No resolutions this year, and no one to be with except a couple of my closest friends. No special someone to share it with, and strangely enough I don't care too much. I don't drink, so I obviously won't be getting drunk.

But I will welcome 2009 with a smile, and if I could, a hug.