If there's one thing I'm good at, it's being annoying.
Perhaps it's the fact that I'm always too caffeinated, or perhaps I have undiagnosed ADHD - which I don't believe actually exists in the first place. Or may that part of my brain is still six years old.
I do try to control my behavior, but when I try to be calm or not jumping all over the place, my mental state usually reduces to "depressed" or "creepy" - creepy, as in, I just get creepy quiet. It's certainly a flaw of mine, but everyone has flaws and everyone wishes that they could do something about them, but I do realize that it's just who I am and no amount of pretending it's not will do anything about it. Me trying to be nice or kind or sweet just ends up being me being a hassle, and then I feel guilty for being a bother to who I love or care about. I apologize constantly for any of my actions, which in itself becomes an annoyance to others. But that could just be how I was raised. I've always been into thinking that everything is my fault because someone has always been there to tell me that it is. I could be convinced that Armageddon will come because of me fucking something up and it wouldn't seem too far-fetched. And I know it could also seem possible to some people that I'm the exact opposite of what I'm stating now - that I'm actually very antisocial and don't talk enough. I know there's been enough friendly people who have tried to have a conversation with me in which I've walked away or seen me around while I pretend I don't see them to - but I do. I just have a fear of saying something stupid or doing something stupid, that takes control of me too often.
I am not writing this to make anyone feel bad for me. I am simply trying to tell who I am, and yes, apologize for some of my more annoying personality quirks. Or maybe I'm just trying to understand myself better as well. Things are so much easier to understand when they're written down on paper, or in this case, typed at a computer.

So, sorry.